I feel so lucky, proud and blessed to have known you my sweetheart. I miss you with all my heart and soul and wish more than anything to have you with me now.
I first met you at school. I was a self-conscious sixth-former,feeling shy and awkward in my new environment. I remember seeing you in the main 'Court' at Marlborough and being struck by your dazzling charisma. You would bowl about the place full of smiles, charm and mischief, always surrounded by your friends I remember, such as Sam and Jules who would remain friends for life.
Fast forward 16 years and we spot each other again. although this time we do not let each other go. I was impressed by your directness, honesty, courage and sense of humour. Suddenly the world felt a brighter, lighter place, nothing seemed to touch your indomitable spirit.
Within months we were engaged and planning the rest of our lives together. I remember your fierce love, passionate loyalty and uninhibited joyfulness. We had found each other at last and neither of us could believe our luck.
The evening before our wedding, 24th September, will remain with me forever. We were both so full of excitement and anticipation after months of build-up. Your final words were 'I love you' and then (so the doctors tell me) your heart literally stopped beating. Despite the best efforts of the ambulance staff, nothing could be done to revive you.
I am still not sure I have actually taken in what has happened. Every second, every moment comes as a shock to me. I keep frowning and wondering whose life I have wandered in on, before realising it is my own.
I can feel the wave of love and support around me from family and friends. Much of the time I am too numb with grief to even acknowledge it, but I am still hugely appreciative and everyone is a massive help in keeping me going on a day to day basis.
Your amazing mother Suzanne has been my beacon and I have just returned from visiting her in France. The irrepressible Sam, indeed all your wonderful friends have rushed in to help, they are such a comfort to me as I see you reflected back in their love and kindness. Your family and friends are a testament to you, my darling Max. They are what I have left of you and I will treasure them always.
I can't imagine I will ever fully comprehend what has happened and a large part of me will never accept it. A vibrant, vital, gorgeous, gregarious, entertaining, funny, kind, caring and unique man has been taken in the prime of his life, when he still had so much to give.
Max you taught me how to live, and for that I will be eternally grateful. I carry you in my heart and your spirit will remain with me always.
Jane xxx
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